Most of us buy status items when feeling down to show others we’re actually valuable.

After those ego blows that slam us while we’re parenting, working, excercising — okay fine, living– we’re more likely to spend big money on status items so we can prove to others that we’re valuable, says Nathan Pettit, an assistant professor at NYU’s Stern School of Business. If that very common human condition isn’t pathetic enough, researchers say we’ll pay even more for those handbags, shoes, watches, cameras pastry platters – whatever we attach to high social standing — when we’re under that stress. Even if we’re stressing over money. “There are 100 ways to restore your self worth,” says Pettit. “And one very common way is to buy things that signal good things about you.”  

Of course, big credit card balances can weigh heavily on your ego, and we’re just as likely to find a little retail therapy when were feeling blue about our finances, creating a vicious, expensive, credit-destroying cycle.

So how do we stop?

1) Be aware that you’re buying an ego boost. That will make you less likely to do so, says Pettit. Because if you know you’re plunking down $500 just to prove to the rest of the PTA you’re a valueble person well, c’mon. Can you really part with your money after that?

2) If the answer is still ‘yes’ then pay in cash. You’ll likely decide that something less expensive – like a new lip gloss – will send the same message.

3) Spend on a great experience rather than something that will sit in your closet. Happiness expert and Harvard University professor Michael Norton discovered we get used to material goods really fast – our human brains are built to adapt to our surroundings. Soon it’s as though we’ve never not had those strappy sandals. But experiences – lunch with a friend, even a spinning class – get better in our minds over time. We forget about the trouble we had finding a parking spot or stuffing ourselves into spandex.

4) Do something nice for a friend. It’s really the best way to boost your ego, say researchers. They know human beings are 100 percent social creatures and the true precursor to human happiness is the quality and number of healthy social relationships we have. Not handbags, cars or fancy dinners.

5) Meet new people. In following the logic of No. 4 above, you may be feeling bad because your friendships are unhealthy – perhaps stunted by changing focus or poisoned with jealousy. Volunteer in a different committee, take a pottery class, go to the dog park or join a book club. Anything to nurture personal relationships based on similar interests, not status goods.